Virulent Vagina

Freakables & Geekables,


How goes it? Staying in touch with the freak in you I hope!... and the geek too 8-)


I am aware that the production of this blog may be regarded as a self defeating/destructive entity for couple  reasons:


     1.  Future employment - a blog about sex and getting freaky isn't necessarily a resume builder, especially when the sex industry is not on the horizon.

And sometimes even more daunting than that is:

     2.  The possibility of a significant/insignificant other/s discovering this blog on the top sites of my Mac and going apeshit upon recognizing the body parts in the banner, then escalating to ballistic when he figures out which story is about him.

But I have to say that I need to do this. Sex is an important part of life.... My life, any way. It's not the most important, but in a "romantic" relationship it is important. Whether or not you are "doing it" (it being the whole or the individual parts of sex) or not is important because your reasons/desires/motivations for doing or not doing so are sometimes simple, but more often than not are complex, layered, and mired with emotion.

So anyways, recently I had to take to twitter to ask a question. A question that could only come to mind after personally swimming in Lake Experience, located in WhereIam, USA. The question:

This is a very serious question.

Men call it blue balls - an annoying feeling, a pressure. A major discomfort for many who, when aroused to the point of erection with no where to release, may feel like their testicles will explode if they do not ejaculate somewhere. 

Well, this isn't so hard to understand once you learn that ejaculate can exit the man's body at an AVERAGE speed of 45 km/h (27.96 mi/h).  Average... meaning that the possibility remains his ejaculate could exit with Evil Knievel/ ambitions in "mind". Physics was never my forte, but it is for Dr John Marshall, Ph.D. Sexual Physics. 

So if my memory serves me correctly (and it may not), potential like that could lead to immense build up a.k.a pressure & that ball busting feeling.

But... what about women. Our potential children do not exit from our vaginas doing tricks and acrobatics. There is that phenom of squirting, but that has nothing on the speed and force of male ejaculate nor its likeness to the blade of Zorro's sword.

I speak to & from my own experience when I say that the female equivalent to blue balls is the virulent vagina. A vagina full of malice. A vagina that, angered enough, will kick you out of the house but ass naked and later send your clothes by snail mail. Ok maybe that's an exaggeration, but life has taught me that if I can think it, it has already happened.


Seriously, has no one else experienced the reverberating uterine angst of a disappointed vagina? A feeling like an olympic gold medalist miscalculated a shotput throw and the damn thing landed smack dab in the middle of your pelvic area? And once it landed proceeded to burrow its way into your uterus, daring you to not find a way to expel it? . . . No one?... Well ME NEITHER! psssht. 


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That is what Virulent Vagina feels like... to me anyway. I imagine that if my vagina could speak during a gut wrenching episode, it would simply lament, "WHHHHYYYYYYYYY??" Virulent vagina is experienced if, like men, we are aroused to THE point... and then... left hanging... like christmas decorations all. year. round.


Any sexual partner that will leave you assed out (literally) in this sexual paint with no guilt, remorse, or empathy for your situation should be dropped. You be Diddy, let him/her be the band & send that ass to brooklyn for some cheesecake and tell em stay... amongst other things! Once is ok. Twice alright. Everybody can't be at optimum performance all the time. 


If you are in a serious relationship this shouldn't apply to you. If it does, you need to reevaluate. If you are in a casual relationship then rest assured there's another fish in the sea that gives a damn as to whether or not you are satisfied.


Because this is where the virulence comes in... the thought that a person could be so inhumane as to leave you stranded with merely a life vest in shark infested waters; to make you a part of the cast of LOST without your knowledge!


Some people will say I am giving too much weight to sex in a relationship, but ultimately the sexual stratosphere is but a reflection and projection of the character of a person. So if they are selfish in sex, chances are they are selfish in other aspects outside the >insert wherever you like to have sex here<.


In his/her defense, said person may be unaware of how their actions come off or affect partners so it would be beneficial for both parties involved to have this discussion. If he/she is aware however... GET YOUR ASS UP & OUT OF THEIR SELFSERVING PAINT!

Tricks are for....

The next time you see your man/lover/boytoy/fwb as soon as the door closes behind you, you walk him over to 

1. the living room couch: You give him a nice nudge that forces him to land square in the middle of the couch. This is your night to start off with. Put your dominatrix bustier on (well metaphorically speaking). Proceed to straddle your man. Doesn't have to be fancy, but it needs to be assertive enough so he knows that you are in control tonight and you mean business. Try not to knock anything off the coffee table unless clumsy looks cute on you. He is not allowed to touch you just yet. Use this to your advantage. Tease him with your tongue. If you don't know his spots, this is your chance to find them. And if you don't know what his penis looks like, this is your chance to get acquainted. If you are not into getting acquainted with his penis orally, then you continue to torture him with your tongue and you hands. Be mindful of the fine line between exciting and "omg! one more lick and my dick will be soft!" You undress him. You direct him where you want him to go. But I don't see why you'd want to go anywhere else when straddling him on the couch perfectly allows you to control the penetration, allows for deep penetration, ANNNND provides clitoral stimulation. After all... it IS about you tonight. Trust me, any man worth his dick will want to look down and see you workin it, reigning and raining all over him ;) . Prime real estate... it's all about the view!! Now for those of us who don't mind getting acquainted with the dick, all of the above may fall into round 2 or 3 of your session. Because after you treat him to a suck and a blow, he'll definitely want to repay the favor. Well, he should. And if he doesn't, drop that fool... he's crowding the space of someone who could be putting in as much work as you are. So!... Once u reach the undress point above you will be faced with that beautiful strong dick of his. I really won't get into too many details here since we will be adding tricks a.k.a tips on how to really give good head. For now though, here are some pointers to take with you:

• It helps to know what your man likes and how he likes it, but that doesn't mean there isn't room to blow his mind with something different every now and then
• Don't be afraid of deep throating. Gagging is a reflex caused by tension and anxiety... so relax literally, and relax your throat. You really can't choke on his penis unless you actually try to swallow it. And unless you have mastered some skill using the muscles at the back of your throat to create different sensations.... Just relax... really. It'll allow you both to enjoy the experience. Yes... it is less enjoyable for him if you are heaving on or actually throwing up on his dick.... unless he's into that... and that's a whole other blog. 
• If deep throating just isn't your thing use your hands to mimic an extension of your mouth.
• it's good to switch it up but when you feel him getting to that point. Unless the plan was just to get him aroused, keep it steady. Some guys like the motion to increase in speed and intensity, some don't. But just like switching positions or oral motions can kinda reset your orgasm, changing the motion or stopping does the same for him.
• Please do not forget to lubricate. I mean... don't be afraid to get your saliva involved in the festivities, however refrain from creating wild water kingdom on his dick with your mouth. He prefers that after you come. During head it just feels like he's thrusting his dick into a heated pool (see how exciting that is if you don't have arthritis?)
• Lil Wayne was right... you can and should lick it like a lollipop... i.e. Suction baby, suction! (hmm... maybe he was wrong and it should be suck it like a lollipop. . . something to think about)
• Did I say Relax? Relax! and even if you have no clue what you are doing here's some basic shit: mind your teeth, form a nice O with your lips and keep your teeth awaaay from the action. And bring the confidence too... if nothing else that'll get you off to a great start!!!!

P.S. the kitchen counter, dining room table, washing machine/dryer, the trunk/hood of the car, the patio chair are all excellent options for this. 

Disclaimer :You'll need somewhere sturdy... so use of the dining room table or any other furniture is at your discretion. We here at F&G are not liable for any injury that you may incur during the practice of this exercise. But have fun while trying:)!!

Geek => Freak!

How to do the Casual/FWB thing right

In case you were in doubt, or found yourself constantly confused about the terms and conditions of your casual relationship (a.k.a fuck buddy, physical thing, friends with benefits, boy toy, side piece, side ho, outside woman/man, booty call) [deeeep breath in], Erika Brooks Adickman of Popwaffle.com fame took some time out of her busy schedule to help you with your situation. 


I came across this JOY to behold while watching some VCsquared (viewer created content) on CurrentTV. If you have some time, check out both websites for a healthy laugh during a boring work day.


Consider it a Public Service - because I know you were going to ask about this eventually, and how lucky are we that Erika already did the research for us?!!?! (I'd say about as lucky as OJ was... the first time around)







If you can't see the vid, visit http://current.com/entertainment/comedy/90310975_how-to-have-casual-sex.htm
Thanks Erika! Somewhere in the world right now someone is not making an ass of himself/herself. 




Know your role!!!