Date Chronicles: Disaster Young'n

Disclaimer: The Date Chronicles Series is inspired by real events experienced by the author or someone else. Names have been changed to protect the identities of the parties involved. 

Enter: Disaster Young'n

The youngster (early 20's) artistic, ambitious, and FLYer than <<<<<

Sigh. Besides all his tuba blowing (as opposed to horn tooting) he held no doors, pulled no chairs, was significantly involved with his IPhone4 and reflective surfaces, and somehow couldn't get the convo past "Oh my God you are so gorgeous."

I'm not complaining, and I know some of you think that's something you want to hear all night on a first date but it's actually kind of annoying. Especially when efforts to take conversation beyond ego strokes and name dropping some how end up back at square 1.

Actually... the date didn't go all that bad. After dinner he surprised me with a kiss preceded by "I've been wanting to do this all night."... Anyways... horrible timing... I had just freshened up with an HD pink lip gloss that had lots of grown up glitter in it... the really small kind that is only visible when light hits it. Ladies know what I mean. (hehehehehehe) This is definitely where things got obviously hilarious. Once I let him know that he had some gloss on him that was going nowhere, this is where the EGO reared its ugly head and introduced itself to me, like an alternate personality, with the infamous Self absorbed freakout. What is the Self absorbed freakout? Well grandma would call it a clear indication of someone who is "sweet on himself." And Young'n did not disappoint!!!


His SAF looked like this: a frantic race from reflective surface to reflective surface, (car windows, store front displays, restaurant windows, and of course the snazzy IPhone4) frenzied wiping with a napkin that appeared from nowhere, and repeated probing, "Is it gone yet? I'm a dude... I can't walk around with this shit on my face! Is it gone?" 

If the hysterical laughter that my inside voice was engaging in at that moment could have been heard by the world, it would resemble something that only a hybrid specimen of Steve Harvey, Dane Cook, Katt Williams, Richard Pryor, Kevin Hart and Rob Stapleton could instigate. Who does this? For 3 long NYC blocks this is what you're gonna do? SO I laughed... but enough to keep his fragile and still developing male ego in "light and love". 

We then ended up under a bridge connecting Brooklyn to NY. Where the trains raced by over head but somehow did not take away from the romantic quotient of the little nook of peace in a bustling city. It was beautiful. A clear night sky, great weather, water breaking on the shore, citylights reflecting off the water... I was impressed! And somehow I forgot the glitter fiasco. That was until the convo led to past relationships and eventually sex...


Then he said, "You know, I don't mean to brag, but I'm really good in bed" (x_x) and took my hand, placed it on his crotch, and said "see, that's at least 9 inches of good luvin. I'm telling you, I'm hung. Feel it!" 


On the one hand the freak in me respected his directness, but also prevented me from believing any more of the tuba blowing. On the other hand the geek in me was quite disturbed and gave him the wtf-are-u-doing-right-now?" look.


I didn't run though. I went on with the date and we spontaneously ended up at a performance of Jojo Mayer (awesome music btw).


We rode the train home. And it didn't take me the entire ride to know that he was definitely not for me.... Ginormous penis and all.

Freaktastic Geekability/ Geektastic Freakability?

I'm Kinda EXCITED!!!


I've been pondering this idea for some time, that is, how to assimilate sexy things into this blog without making it a blog about everything else and consequently stray away from the purpose.


Since the purpose of this blog is to encourage sexual prowess, and build confidence not only in one's sexual ability, but basic self esteem, I figured it couldn't hurt to include things that contribute to this goal... RIGHT? 


Art, music, film, people, places, things, events, weird shit, you name it... as long as it possesses a geektastic freakness or/and freakable geektasticalness (ok i just OD'd that word) it'll be here!!!!



*Get Freaked*

Dear Freakz 'n Geekz

Dear F&G,

What is your perspective on the act, actions, and sexuality of men who will give anal sex to woman but think gay men are wrong and nasty??


-Anal Hubris



Dear AH,

Wow! Well this is a multi-part question that can get a little complicated, but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible.

My perspective on anal as an act is: to each his own. "Everything ain’t for everybody,” they say, but if one feels confident, comfortable, and adventurous enough to try anal, KUDOS. And if you like it, BIGGER Kudos to you. (yes, I said kudos dammit). At FreakznGeekz we endorse sex as a pleasurable act where two (or more) adults can participate safely in the enjoyment.

Here is where it gets a little more complicated. The sexuality of a human being is an entity that is affected by forces seen and unseen. Beliefs, desires, morals, environment, biology, religion, social pressures all have a part to play in “sexuality.” So the person who is comfortable in his/her sexuality and knows what that means has successfully mediated these outside forces. Whether one has chosen a label, chosen to be labeled or has just chosen to live a sexual life that pleases him/herself, sexuality is, in my opinion, just as much about what goes on inside the individual as much as it is about explicit acts in which the individual engages.

So I say that to say this….

An ass is an ass is an ass and so it would follow that an asshole is an asshole is an asshole (or anus for the politically and anatomically correct). So MY OPINION is that a man who engages in anal sex with a woman and subsequently expresses disdain and disgust at homosexuals for engaging in essentially the same act, is a man who is NOT comfortable with his sexuality. Why?

In the islands there is an expression that goes something like this, “Pussy ain got nuh face!” When you hear that you already know that all the right elements came together for a man to have sex with a woman that on a regular day is completely undesirable to that man OR for the more promiscuous it simply means that they will “fuck anything that moves and has a vagina.” To me, a man who is disgusted by the act of gay sex, yet engaging in the same act (by a different name) is probably concerned about why he is enjoying it so much, wondering if he is himself homosexual, and uneasy that given the right circumstances, the butthole wouldn’t “got nuh face” either.

Freakzngeekz is a judgement free forum but we also like to call a spade, a spade. I could go with the infamous “lipstick on a pig” or the poetics of Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” At the end of the day anal sex is anal sex. If you want to join in the arguments about religion, and nature vs. nurture, fine… join. Argue about homosexuality as a product of nature and genetics or upbringing and environment. If you want to argue based on morals and ethics, fine. I can accept that and would love to address any prejudices you may have in hearty discussion.

BUT if you are secure in the fact that you are a heterosexual man who is only attracted to women then there is no need for you to concern yourself with the bedroom goings-on of gay men. Furthermore you’d already be aware of the fact that judging the act of anal sex, something you would so readily engage in with a female lover, is quite hypocritical! This man you speak of is experiencing an inner struggle in an effort to mediate the effects of outside forces and what he enjoys, believes, and finds peace with.

My opinion is LiVe and LEt LiVE!

Especially if you are doing the same thing as the next guy… who made you Yahweh and told you to throw stones at his glass house?

*Freak==>Geek*

The Sex Tape Dilemma

No . . . I'm not thinking of making one, but I do feel the need to weigh in on the celebrity sex tape fad that has trickled down to celebrity offspring and wanna-be's.


Enter Montana, 19 year old daughter of Lawrence Fishburne. . . You know. . . Morpheus from The Matrix. Blue Pill or Red pill? Well apparently his daughter is swallowing a whole lot more than pills nowadays. Pics of Montana on the set of her debut porno flick have surfaced, and the tape is set to be released soon. 


I have no qualms about an adult making a sound decision to go into the porn industry but if it is true that her motivations lie in an envy of the Kim Kardashian's of the world who have profitted from a sex tape release then let us just mourn for teenagers the world over. 

"I view making this movie as an important first step in my career," she says. "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid. I'm hoping the same magic will work for me. I'm impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it." - from www.salon.com 

I can understand how going to Vivid Ent. seemed like a smart decision - actually having "control" over the dissemination of her sex tape. But that may be THE point she is missing.


Whether these "celebs" had a hand in the release of their sextapes or not, the fact remains that they, at least in the cases of Kim K and Paris Hilton, did not let it be known that their intention was to become a star; that their sex tape was a foot in the door. Let's face it, the pre-celeb versions of the two had "people" i.e. Public Relations firms. People that knew how to take advantage of the chaos.


One can argue that Kim K's and Paris' fame did not just come from the release of the sex tape, but from the publicity gained in the fight to STOP the release of said sex tape. I don't know too much about Kim K prior to the tape (I've seen mentioned somewhere that she was a celeb stylist? idk), and we all know that Paris was just famous for being a Hilton. But the point is that opportunity for redemption was created because the release appeared to be unintentional on the part of the celeb on many levels. It was low quality vid, and there was that "girl at home quality... the kind that makes a regular dude think they could be with her and makes a regular chick think they could be her - The Relatable Factor.


So when Vivid Ent. describes Montana, (or Chippy D as she'll be known) as

". . . the talk of the Hollywood cocktail circuit and the talk is hot! Montana Fishburne, the daughter of the acting legend and the wild girl who couldn’t be tamed...caught doing the deed, every which way! From prick-teasing in a mall, to getting down in a car, to ravaging her man in a hotel room, this A-list daughter has an X-rated mind! She is nasty, dirty and filthy...she looks like a princess and acts like a porn star. Montana...it sure is hot this time of year." 

the TRF is lost at "daughter of the acting legend" and the fact that they stop a hair follicle circumference short of dropping dad's name. The redemption factor is already lost since there will definitely not be any legal backlash. 


I really hope that it works for her, getting her foot in the door and all, if not she'll have to be removing her foot from her mouth along with other phallic appendages.