Date Chronicles: Disaster Young'n

Disclaimer: The Date Chronicles Series is inspired by real events experienced by the author or someone else. Names have been changed to protect the identities of the parties involved. 

Enter: Disaster Young'n

The youngster (early 20's) artistic, ambitious, and FLYer than <<<<<

Sigh. Besides all his tuba blowing (as opposed to horn tooting) he held no doors, pulled no chairs, was significantly involved with his IPhone4 and reflective surfaces, and somehow couldn't get the convo past "Oh my God you are so gorgeous."

I'm not complaining, and I know some of you think that's something you want to hear all night on a first date but it's actually kind of annoying. Especially when efforts to take conversation beyond ego strokes and name dropping some how end up back at square 1.

Actually... the date didn't go all that bad. After dinner he surprised me with a kiss preceded by "I've been wanting to do this all night."... Anyways... horrible timing... I had just freshened up with an HD pink lip gloss that had lots of grown up glitter in it... the really small kind that is only visible when light hits it. Ladies know what I mean. (hehehehehehe) This is definitely where things got obviously hilarious. Once I let him know that he had some gloss on him that was going nowhere, this is where the EGO reared its ugly head and introduced itself to me, like an alternate personality, with the infamous Self absorbed freakout. What is the Self absorbed freakout? Well grandma would call it a clear indication of someone who is "sweet on himself." And Young'n did not disappoint!!!


His SAF looked like this: a frantic race from reflective surface to reflective surface, (car windows, store front displays, restaurant windows, and of course the snazzy IPhone4) frenzied wiping with a napkin that appeared from nowhere, and repeated probing, "Is it gone yet? I'm a dude... I can't walk around with this shit on my face! Is it gone?" 

If the hysterical laughter that my inside voice was engaging in at that moment could have been heard by the world, it would resemble something that only a hybrid specimen of Steve Harvey, Dane Cook, Katt Williams, Richard Pryor, Kevin Hart and Rob Stapleton could instigate. Who does this? For 3 long NYC blocks this is what you're gonna do? SO I laughed... but enough to keep his fragile and still developing male ego in "light and love". 

We then ended up under a bridge connecting Brooklyn to NY. Where the trains raced by over head but somehow did not take away from the romantic quotient of the little nook of peace in a bustling city. It was beautiful. A clear night sky, great weather, water breaking on the shore, citylights reflecting off the water... I was impressed! And somehow I forgot the glitter fiasco. That was until the convo led to past relationships and eventually sex...


Then he said, "You know, I don't mean to brag, but I'm really good in bed" (x_x) and took my hand, placed it on his crotch, and said "see, that's at least 9 inches of good luvin. I'm telling you, I'm hung. Feel it!" 


On the one hand the freak in me respected his directness, but also prevented me from believing any more of the tuba blowing. On the other hand the geek in me was quite disturbed and gave him the wtf-are-u-doing-right-now?" look.


I didn't run though. I went on with the date and we spontaneously ended up at a performance of Jojo Mayer (awesome music btw).


We rode the train home. And it didn't take me the entire ride to know that he was definitely not for me.... Ginormous penis and all.

Freaktastic Geekability/ Geektastic Freakability?

I'm Kinda EXCITED!!!


I've been pondering this idea for some time, that is, how to assimilate sexy things into this blog without making it a blog about everything else and consequently stray away from the purpose.


Since the purpose of this blog is to encourage sexual prowess, and build confidence not only in one's sexual ability, but basic self esteem, I figured it couldn't hurt to include things that contribute to this goal... RIGHT? 


Art, music, film, people, places, things, events, weird shit, you name it... as long as it possesses a geektastic freakness or/and freakable geektasticalness (ok i just OD'd that word) it'll be here!!!!



*Get Freaked*

Dear Freakz 'n Geekz

Dear F&G,

What is your perspective on the act, actions, and sexuality of men who will give anal sex to woman but think gay men are wrong and nasty??


-Anal Hubris



Dear AH,

Wow! Well this is a multi-part question that can get a little complicated, but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible.

My perspective on anal as an act is: to each his own. "Everything ain’t for everybody,” they say, but if one feels confident, comfortable, and adventurous enough to try anal, KUDOS. And if you like it, BIGGER Kudos to you. (yes, I said kudos dammit). At FreakznGeekz we endorse sex as a pleasurable act where two (or more) adults can participate safely in the enjoyment.

Here is where it gets a little more complicated. The sexuality of a human being is an entity that is affected by forces seen and unseen. Beliefs, desires, morals, environment, biology, religion, social pressures all have a part to play in “sexuality.” So the person who is comfortable in his/her sexuality and knows what that means has successfully mediated these outside forces. Whether one has chosen a label, chosen to be labeled or has just chosen to live a sexual life that pleases him/herself, sexuality is, in my opinion, just as much about what goes on inside the individual as much as it is about explicit acts in which the individual engages.

So I say that to say this….

An ass is an ass is an ass and so it would follow that an asshole is an asshole is an asshole (or anus for the politically and anatomically correct). So MY OPINION is that a man who engages in anal sex with a woman and subsequently expresses disdain and disgust at homosexuals for engaging in essentially the same act, is a man who is NOT comfortable with his sexuality. Why?

In the islands there is an expression that goes something like this, “Pussy ain got nuh face!” When you hear that you already know that all the right elements came together for a man to have sex with a woman that on a regular day is completely undesirable to that man OR for the more promiscuous it simply means that they will “fuck anything that moves and has a vagina.” To me, a man who is disgusted by the act of gay sex, yet engaging in the same act (by a different name) is probably concerned about why he is enjoying it so much, wondering if he is himself homosexual, and uneasy that given the right circumstances, the butthole wouldn’t “got nuh face” either.

Freakzngeekz is a judgement free forum but we also like to call a spade, a spade. I could go with the infamous “lipstick on a pig” or the poetics of Shakespeare, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” At the end of the day anal sex is anal sex. If you want to join in the arguments about religion, and nature vs. nurture, fine… join. Argue about homosexuality as a product of nature and genetics or upbringing and environment. If you want to argue based on morals and ethics, fine. I can accept that and would love to address any prejudices you may have in hearty discussion.

BUT if you are secure in the fact that you are a heterosexual man who is only attracted to women then there is no need for you to concern yourself with the bedroom goings-on of gay men. Furthermore you’d already be aware of the fact that judging the act of anal sex, something you would so readily engage in with a female lover, is quite hypocritical! This man you speak of is experiencing an inner struggle in an effort to mediate the effects of outside forces and what he enjoys, believes, and finds peace with.

My opinion is LiVe and LEt LiVE!

Especially if you are doing the same thing as the next guy… who made you Yahweh and told you to throw stones at his glass house?

*Freak==>Geek*

The Sex Tape Dilemma

No . . . I'm not thinking of making one, but I do feel the need to weigh in on the celebrity sex tape fad that has trickled down to celebrity offspring and wanna-be's.


Enter Montana, 19 year old daughter of Lawrence Fishburne. . . You know. . . Morpheus from The Matrix. Blue Pill or Red pill? Well apparently his daughter is swallowing a whole lot more than pills nowadays. Pics of Montana on the set of her debut porno flick have surfaced, and the tape is set to be released soon. 


I have no qualms about an adult making a sound decision to go into the porn industry but if it is true that her motivations lie in an envy of the Kim Kardashian's of the world who have profitted from a sex tape release then let us just mourn for teenagers the world over. 

"I view making this movie as an important first step in my career," she says. "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid. I'm hoping the same magic will work for me. I'm impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it." - from www.salon.com 

I can understand how going to Vivid Ent. seemed like a smart decision - actually having "control" over the dissemination of her sex tape. But that may be THE point she is missing.


Whether these "celebs" had a hand in the release of their sextapes or not, the fact remains that they, at least in the cases of Kim K and Paris Hilton, did not let it be known that their intention was to become a star; that their sex tape was a foot in the door. Let's face it, the pre-celeb versions of the two had "people" i.e. Public Relations firms. People that knew how to take advantage of the chaos.


One can argue that Kim K's and Paris' fame did not just come from the release of the sex tape, but from the publicity gained in the fight to STOP the release of said sex tape. I don't know too much about Kim K prior to the tape (I've seen mentioned somewhere that she was a celeb stylist? idk), and we all know that Paris was just famous for being a Hilton. But the point is that opportunity for redemption was created because the release appeared to be unintentional on the part of the celeb on many levels. It was low quality vid, and there was that "girl at home quality... the kind that makes a regular dude think they could be with her and makes a regular chick think they could be her - The Relatable Factor.


So when Vivid Ent. describes Montana, (or Chippy D as she'll be known) as

". . . the talk of the Hollywood cocktail circuit and the talk is hot! Montana Fishburne, the daughter of the acting legend and the wild girl who couldn’t be tamed...caught doing the deed, every which way! From prick-teasing in a mall, to getting down in a car, to ravaging her man in a hotel room, this A-list daughter has an X-rated mind! She is nasty, dirty and filthy...she looks like a princess and acts like a porn star. Montana...it sure is hot this time of year." 

the TRF is lost at "daughter of the acting legend" and the fact that they stop a hair follicle circumference short of dropping dad's name. The redemption factor is already lost since there will definitely not be any legal backlash. 


I really hope that it works for her, getting her foot in the door and all, if not she'll have to be removing her foot from her mouth along with other phallic appendages.

He's So Hood

He's so hood
He wears his pants below his waist and
He's not afraid to take position below mine.


He's so hood
When he pulls my hair and smacks my ass
I forget what day it is and what's the time.


He's so hood
I kiss his lips, I love that taste
Makes my pussy wet and I prepare to blow his mind


He's so hood
And I like it just that way
Cause I know at the end of the day


He's coming home to me
yes... that's all mine




*dedicated to every man out there with a go-getter, ambitious, driven mentality. Very little to do with where you are physically and all to do with where you are mentally.




*Get Freaked*

LAW ENFORCEMENT and ENLIGHTENMENT

Freakz and Geekz alike,

Did you know that more than half of all Americans get a sexually transmitted disease or infection at some time in their lives?

Welcome to my first FreakznGeekz PSA. Here we are all about adventure, little to no judgement (a human does write this thing after all), sex appeal, pleasure, and confidence. Yes we are all about sex... and so saying it would be remiss of me not to address the complications that come along with the act. As with most things in life that society has established a position from which it looks down upon the rebels, revolutionaries and mold breakers, there are rules, regulations, taboos, norms, accepted behavior etc. Despite all this, there is one topic that even a rebel, outcast, geek or *freak* cannot avoid....

(drum roll please) SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS/DISEASES (I would add children but... that's another blog)

Regardless of how you deal with this topic as an individual, how you have been told to deal with it in your culture, or how you have felt pressured to deal with it by your affiliates the significance and importance of GETTING TESTED and KNOWING YOUR STATUS ONLY INCREASES IN URGENCY. The more you tap into your sexual Vespucci or De Gama the more important it will be for you to get tested. And even more so if you happen to be allergic to the mere thought of sexual monogamy.

It is scary, yes. Your sexual his/herstory will most likely flash before your eyes... and depending on your activity that flash may be a short film or full feature movie.

It is scary, yes. But it is absolutely necessary. Knowing is better than not knowing any day. How can you be truly confident, pleasured and pleasurable, sexy and adventurous while wallowing in oblivion and denial??

I don't care how anti-norm or anti-establishment you are. And If you don't have insurance that is irrelevant.

What is relevant is your responsibility to yourself and your partner(s). It only takes one time - one condom breaking, one misuse of the condom, one time in the throes of never ending passion, one unfaithful partner, one lie... to drastically change your life.

HIV/AIDS is a real issue. So is Herpes, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Hepatitis (and the list goes on).We are not invincible just because we are young. Some of these STI's, if undetected can cause major reproductive organ complications, blindness, and even death.

SO... once again go GET TESTED. 

• Most sites offer anonymous testing so don't worry about revealing your identity. 
• If you are worried about the time constraint (which is silly since you should always make time for your health) there are rapid testing options which will give you your HIV results in less than half hour in some instances. Other STI tests may take longer. 
• Some sites do not even require that you return to get your results many have gone hi tech and you log in to a web site with a unique pin and ID number to retrieve your results.

Big woman and big man ting dem, require big woman and big man decisions!!!

Here's a few links to get you started on your road to being enlightened:

Google: DUH :) google still has ev-er-ythang... just type "free HIV (or STD) testing" and your zip code, city, or state

YourSTDHelp.com

CDC HIV Testing and Resources

Free testing in NYC

*Freak=>Geek*

Tricks are for....

The next time you see your man/lover/boytoy/fwb as soon as the door closes behind you, you walk him over to 

1. the living room couch: You give him a nice nudge that forces him to land square in the middle of the couch. This is your night to start off with. Put your dominatrix bustier on (well metaphorically speaking). Proceed to straddle your man. Doesn't have to be fancy, but it needs to be assertive enough so he knows that you are in control tonight and you mean business. Try not to knock anything off the coffee table unless clumsy looks cute on you. He is not allowed to touch you just yet. Use this to your advantage. Tease him with your tongue. If you don't know his spots, this is your chance to find them. And if you don't know what his penis looks like, this is your chance to get acquainted. If you are not into getting acquainted with his penis orally, then you continue to torture him with your tongue and you hands. Be mindful of the fine line between exciting and "omg! one more lick and my dick will be soft!" You undress him. You direct him where you want him to go. But I don't see why you'd want to go anywhere else when straddling him on the couch perfectly allows you to control the penetration, allows for deep penetration, ANNNND provides clitoral stimulation. After all... it IS about you tonight. Trust me, any man worth his dick will want to look down and see you workin it, reigning and raining all over him ;) . Prime real estate... it's all about the view!! Now for those of us who don't mind getting acquainted with the dick, all of the above may fall into round 2 or 3 of your session. Because after you treat him to a suck and a blow, he'll definitely want to repay the favor. Well, he should. And if he doesn't, drop that fool... he's crowding the space of someone who could be putting in as much work as you are. So!... Once u reach the undress point above you will be faced with that beautiful strong dick of his. I really won't get into too many details here since we will be adding tricks a.k.a tips on how to really give good head. For now though, here are some pointers to take with you:

• It helps to know what your man likes and how he likes it, but that doesn't mean there isn't room to blow his mind with something different every now and then
• Don't be afraid of deep throating. Gagging is a reflex caused by tension and anxiety... so relax literally, and relax your throat. You really can't choke on his penis unless you actually try to swallow it. And unless you have mastered some skill using the muscles at the back of your throat to create different sensations.... Just relax... really. It'll allow you both to enjoy the experience. Yes... it is less enjoyable for him if you are heaving on or actually throwing up on his dick.... unless he's into that... and that's a whole other blog. 
• If deep throating just isn't your thing use your hands to mimic an extension of your mouth.
• it's good to switch it up but when you feel him getting to that point. Unless the plan was just to get him aroused, keep it steady. Some guys like the motion to increase in speed and intensity, some don't. But just like switching positions or oral motions can kinda reset your orgasm, changing the motion or stopping does the same for him.
• Please do not forget to lubricate. I mean... don't be afraid to get your saliva involved in the festivities, however refrain from creating wild water kingdom on his dick with your mouth. He prefers that after you come. During head it just feels like he's thrusting his dick into a heated pool (see how exciting that is if you don't have arthritis?)
• Lil Wayne was right... you can and should lick it like a lollipop... i.e. Suction baby, suction! (hmm... maybe he was wrong and it should be suck it like a lollipop. . . something to think about)
• Did I say Relax? Relax! and even if you have no clue what you are doing here's some basic shit: mind your teeth, form a nice O with your lips and keep your teeth awaaay from the action. And bring the confidence too... if nothing else that'll get you off to a great start!!!!

P.S. the kitchen counter, dining room table, washing machine/dryer, the trunk/hood of the car, the patio chair are all excellent options for this. 

Disclaimer :You'll need somewhere sturdy... so use of the dining room table or any other furniture is at your discretion. We here at F&G are not liable for any injury that you may incur during the practice of this exercise. But have fun while trying:)!!

Geek => Freak!

My Soldier - Act 1 Scene 1

I got into the car. Said hello. Not another word. But my eyes said so much more. I restrained myself from reaching over the arm rest and getting him ready for what was already under way between my thighs. No. No foreplay. As hard as it was, I was on a mission. He was the enemy and I wanted to see just how quickly he would load that weapon up. I wanted to find out just how deadly he was. I wanted him to fuck me till I died. . . a slow orgasmic death.

In dead silence, we pulled into the driveway. Got out of the car. I walked deliberately to the door - making sure that each step made my ass jiggle, that each sway made my silhouette more irresistible. He followed. I opened the door. Maintained my stride. No need to look back. He was sure to follow. 

I proceeded up the stairs to the bedroom. The cling of glass. He was grabbing the wine. "No need!" I said firmly. And he knew it was on. Quick steps up the stairs. He stepped through the door and there I was. Black stilettos and a trench coat. Standing. Waiting. He approached steadily, motioning for me to share the secret underneath. The chill outside had made me achingly aware of the lust between my thighs. . . all for him. I unbuttoned. His face lit up with a smile. He deliberately took me in. From black stilettos, glowing skin, wet pussy evident by the juices glistening on my thick thighs, round hips, tiny waist, to my supple breasts. 


By the time he got to my pussy he was already saluting as if he knew the general was approaching. Three seconds flat. The closer he got the wetter I became....


To be continued...

How to do the Casual/FWB thing right

In case you were in doubt, or found yourself constantly confused about the terms and conditions of your casual relationship (a.k.a fuck buddy, physical thing, friends with benefits, boy toy, side piece, side ho, outside woman/man, booty call) [deeeep breath in], Erika Brooks Adickman of Popwaffle.com fame took some time out of her busy schedule to help you with your situation. 


I came across this JOY to behold while watching some VCsquared (viewer created content) on CurrentTV. If you have some time, check out both websites for a healthy laugh during a boring work day.


Consider it a Public Service - because I know you were going to ask about this eventually, and how lucky are we that Erika already did the research for us?!!?! (I'd say about as lucky as OJ was... the first time around)







If you can't see the vid, visit http://current.com/entertainment/comedy/90310975_how-to-have-casual-sex.htm
Thanks Erika! Somewhere in the world right now someone is not making an ass of himself/herself. 




Know your role!!!

Dear Freakz 'n' Geekz

Dear Freakz n Geekz,


I've been seeing this guy casually for a few months now. The sex is great, and he's really into the communication during sex bit which is excellent because it's like a personalized experience telling him what I like and what not. But this time around I was caught off guard. Why? He stuck a finger or two up my ass! Literally! I'm a little freaky... but that is beyond my freaky threshold. I'm concerned that next he'll be trying to stick his dick up my ass too. What should I do?


Sincerely,
It's A One Way Underpass




Dear IAOWU ,


Take that stick out your ass and get down with the down way below! Let loose and enjoy! Relax!! Ok Ok. I kid. Clearly you are a bit uncomfortable. That's ok. But anxiety will not help your dilemma. If it's not your cup of tea then the answer is simple. Tell him! If he's so great with communication and catering to your body then letting him know you don't like any plugs in that hole should not be a problem. Once you let him know this, if he does make another attempt at insertion, then I'd say you should walk your casual behind out the door... and never go back.


But...
Did you know that the concentration of nerve endings in/around the anus is so high that it's basically an orgasm waiting to happen??? (. . . or at the least added arousal). I'm not telling you to jump right in, but if you are comfortable with this guy then you should explore play that does not involve inserting any objects, human or otherwise, into your ass. A viable option is rimming, which involves the tongue and no insertion - however you and your guy will have to work out post-rimming kissing/activities and all those pressing deets. :). Better you than me.




Keep it freaky!!!